Friday, April 2, 2010

What I am up to in this world..

I would like to share with you all what I am out to create in this world and why I am taking the powerful stand that I am.

Much of my life was spent having one or the other of my parents sick that included tension in the family and a couple major moves thrown in there when I was 13 and 16. I remember of my own accord slowly but surely giving up my passions to focus on what was happening in my family. I was always the little helper and I wanted nothing more than to help make things easier or even fix them. By the time I was in my mid twenties, I had a good job that paid me well that also required a significant amount of my time. My mom (she has Multiple Sclerosis) was also well on her way to being completely paralyzed. It took its toll on me in many areas of my life but mainly any time she would go into the hospital it would send me into a huge breakdown effecting my work, my relationships and my well being. I was being angry, sad, resentful of the situation, and helpless most of the time.

The turning point came when I was living in Canada for work for a year and my mom ended up in the hospital yet again. This turned into one of the biggest breakdowns I had about her illness. I spent a couple weeks crying all the time and not getting any of my work done. My bosses started to notice. I was walking around in a fog of depression. One of my bosses came into town shortly after and we went to lunch and naturally this came up. I was essentially told that I needed to set everything aside because we all have things happen in our lives and I am on the management team now. Don't get me wrong, I did need to set all of it aside but at that moment I realized I needed to and had to make a change in my life for my sanity, health and relationship with my family and others. With in 1 year I made one of the toughest decisions and I left. I left a job that was stable, paid me really well, and I enjoyed the people I worked with. I knew, however, that I was being called to something bigger.

Let's fast forward to today. As I sit here and write and think about where I was in my life even a year ago, I am amazed. I don't even recognize that person that I just wrote about. Through many different types of transformational work and the support of many many people in my life, I have been able to turn my life completely around. The biggest of those is how I am with my mother's illness. There are still some rough days but the angry, sad, resentful, and helpless me is a way of yesterday. Today I am able to handle it with power and grace and the most amazing one - relatedness to my mother. Instead of trying to fix her, or think something is wrong, or tell her how she "should be," I see her as whole, perfect and complete. How could she feel any other way than how she feels? The other day I was at dinner with a friend and she looked at me and said, "You are really at peace with your mom's illness, aren't you?" Wow. I am!! I am! I am!! It's like the train has arrived at it's destination! And the best part is that I have my mom back again. She is finally my mom to me again which I haven't let her be for years.

That same friend that acknowledged my peacefulness also told me that I needed to embrace the possibility of helping others in similar situations, situations that are difficult transitions. My sign and confirmation of this showed up shortly after this conversation on a trash can in New York City that said - "What are you doing to move it for MS?" I finally saw, literally, that my calling is to help people just like my family and to stand for their transformation of the difficult situations that we all experience in life. I obviously have a particular passion for those families that are dealing with MS.

I am out to create a world where families and individuals are empowered regardless of a disease. Where mother's and father's do not have to worry about how it will effect their children, and where children will not have to have their hearts broken seeing their parents lose their power. Like many say including Montel Williams, "I may have the disease, but the disease does not have me." I am passionate that all people dealing with these types of situations will be able to transform the experience into an empowered context and not stay stuck in the victim context. We all are here for a purpose, some more difficult than others, but those are the ones that are designed to really teach us and transform us and make this world a better place.

Won't you join me on this journey of freedom, power and love?

Until next time, I love you all!!

Kat

P.S. My world is starting with my family

3 comments:

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